Pride and Unforgiveness: A Toxic Pair

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“Pride goes before a fall, ” my mum would always remind me while I was growing up. She often said it in frustrating moments or when I was already feeling criticized, which only made the saying more annoying at the time. Back then, I’d question whether every mistake I made had to stem from pride—was everything a matter of arrogance or ego? It felt unfair and overly simplistic.

Now, looking back, I realize she was touching on something deeper. Not every mistake stems from pride, but pride itself can be a subtle, insidious issue that often goes undetected. It’s one of those traits that hides in plain sight—easy to see in others, but difficult to acknowledge in yourself. While I might not have appreciated the reminder in those moments, her words carry wisdom I couldn’t fully grasp then.

Pride is a quiet storm that brews within us. It disguises itself in noble-sounding excuses like, “That’s just my personality,” or “I can’t let my guard down.” But pride is a deceiver. It doesn’t just block our way—it lays the trap we fall into. The Bible warns us clearly in Proverbs 16:18: “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

Imagine a person climbing higher and higher on a fragile ladder, feeling secure and invincible. They’re confident in their ascent, unaware that pride has already formed a crack in the foundation. Suddenly, everything collapses. That’s what happens when pride takes root in our hearts—it blinds us to its dangers until it’s too late.

A powerful way pride manifests itself is through unforgiveness. When we choose not to forgive, it’s often because pride whispers lies into our hearts: They don’t deserve it. They hurt me too deeply. I won’t let them think they’ve won. Pride convinces us that withholding forgiveness is strength when, in reality, it only builds walls of resentment, keeping others out but trapping us inside. It feeds the illusion of control while robbing us of peace.

Fortunately, Jesus shows us another way. As He sat with His disciples, Peter once asked, “Lord, how many times should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” Perhaps Peter thought he was being generous. But Jesus replied, “Not seven times, but seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21-22). He wasn’t being a mathematics teacher; He was revealing the heart of God. Jesus wanted them to see that forgiveness is a reflection of His grace and a guard against the traps of pride and resentment.

In one of His most profound acts, Jesus knelt before His disciples and washed their feet—a task reserved for the lowliest of servants. When He finished, He said in John 13:14, “Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet”. The silence in that room must have been deafening. The King of kings, on His knees! However, at that moment, He wasn’t just washing feet—He was dismantling pride, and modelling humility.

The stakes are high. Pride doesn’t just distance us from others—it places us in opposition to God Himself. “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6). If we cling to pride, we risk the collapse of relationships, peace, and even our walk with God but if we are humble, we invite His grace, His favour, and His power to restore what pride would destroy.

A choice has to be made. Will you climb the fragile ladder of pride or will you follow Jesus’ example? The way of humility may seem hard, but it leads to true greatness. Forgive freely, serve wholeheartedly, and surrender pride at the feet of Jesus. In humility, you will find peace, and in forgiveness, you will find victory.

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